Fun With Email Scammers

This page updated daily, or whenever they write to me!!

I get a constant stream of emails from cake scammers. The usual scheme they use is to order something online, then pay for it with a fake check or credit card. They pay more than the amount due, then ask you to pay their shipping company directly. By the time the bank alerts you that the payment was fake, and they take the money back, you've paid the shipper out of your own funds, and they have your money.

I started writing back to these people for fun, but I decided to put a collection of the responses here, just for my own amusement. I enjoy messing with these idiots... If they write back I'll post their responses as well. (Note: I do NOT open any attachments, and I will NEVER send them any personal information. I also won't take a credit card number from them, since they're all stolen numbers anyway!)

This Guy Stopped Writing To Me, But Gets The Run-On Sentence Award For Longest Sentence From A Scammer Ever:

Hello
Good day am Joe kelly i have a private party schedule i will like to place an order do you have cakes vanila flavor also do you accept credit card as payment so if you have cakes i will be needing this information
How much will 500 cupcakes will cost me ......
your address for the private carrier coming for the pickup ........
and actually, i will like you to email me detail asap i will be waiting for the reply.
Thanks
best regards


Hi, Joe,

What type of event is your party for? I can make cupcakes for birthdays for girls, but not for boys since my religion prevents me for cooking for boys. I am a Pastafarian and we follow the rules of fettucine.
 
Am very sorry for late reply you can call me on 801) 613-XXXX or text so that ll can talk better
 

I'm sorry, I am unable to talk because of an accident with a sharpened cake dowel. Don't try to swallow one of those things! Since I can't talk I don't have a phone, obviously, so I need to use email to communicate. My Pastafarianism prohibits me from using a phone anyway, that's one of our big no-nos. Some people try to cut corners and will use a landline but I try to maintain the laws of Pasta by not using a phone at all. It's pretty easy when you can't talk to begin with.
Is the party for a girl? I don't want to waste your time if the cupcakes would be for a boy and I can't do them. If it's for a girl it's fine.

Yes its for girl, am about to finish my ear surgery in next 3 days and my doctor told me not to use phone for now ,so you can only contact me on my via email address so get me the total cost now so i can pay you my credit card now there will be a private carrier coming for the pickup because i just want you to know that they don't allow outside catering companies to come inside the venue so can you get me your address and direct phone number okay with the regular price which the total cost is and i have forward your address to the carrier coming for the pickup of the cupcakes on the 24th of this month is the pickup at 12pm i will be needing some favor from you and the favor is that i haven't pay the carrier that we be coming to pick up the cakes and i should have get that done my self but due to my disability i am hearing impaired and i am undergoing surgery in 5 days time so i am not able to do that, that is why am asking you for the favor and the carrier service do not have access to the credit card authorization and if you can help me with that i will appreciate and the total price sounds good, but before I can get you my credit card to pay for the grand total of the order, I would like for you to add $750 plus the total price of the order so that you can have all that charged on my credit card now and you will have the $750 sent to the private carrier agent in cash (via western union money Transfer to receive Money and for them to be able to come for the pick up with their truck and i will like to know if you are ready for my credit card and i will be paying for the western union charges
Thanks
 
 

Where's the party going to be? I know most of the people in town, so I bet they'd let me deliver the cupcakes directly to them. There are ways to get around the rule of no outside vendors allowed in, you just have to know the people involved. I could save you the $750 since you wouldn't have to pay the shipper at all.
 
(He stopped answering me after that...I guess he was tired after writing that long sentence.)



The Happy Marriage Life letter:

Good day,

 

I would like to place an order for my up coming wedding, I would like to bake me 4 tier of cake that i will serve that can serve approximately 250 guest and I want the cake to be decorated with pink roses and the cake should be covered in fondant, handmade floral, do you bake cake with fondant?? well, i want it packed in a box and let the inscription be writing on one as “HAPPY MARRIAGE LIFE”. And I want you to have the cake ready for pick-up on 18th of June. Let me know if you can fill in the date.

 

response for June 12, 2012:
Hi, Nancy,
I can do that...I'd advise you against writing "Happy Married Life" on the cake, though, I had a friend who did that and they ended up getting a divorce. It was really bad, he cheated on her and she hit him with a hammer when she found out. He totally deserved it, but she got arrested anyway.
I've had a few friends who got divorced, actually. Are you sure you want to get married? Why don't you just live with your fiance for a while and see how it goes. You never know, he might drive you crazy and you'll want to kill him or hit him with a hammer or something. That would probably tell you that you shouldn't get married.
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response for June 13, 2012

hi, Amanda,

I can do that for you. I think that you wrote to me yesterday but you didn't write back, so I'm glad that you wrote back today. I sure would regret missing out on an opportunity to make a cake for 250 people! that would be the biggest cake I've ever made so far. I usually do really small cakes, like the ones that you see wrapped in these little packages in the store when you're checking out, they're called twinkies, have you seen them? So a cake for 250 would be SUPER AWESOME to do!

That cake would cost $187.50, since I'm just starting out and I don't want to charge too much, so 75cents a serving seems okay. Do you send me the money first, or do I make the cake first? how does this usually work? I don't make people pay for cakes too often, so I don't know. Also, do you know what size cake pans I should use? And I have another question, if I have to make pink roses how do I make them pink? I usually use white icing so I guess I could make some pink icing instead, but how do I do that? I guess I'd use food coloring, but I only have red, not pink, so how would that work?

Hello,

Thanks for the swift reply to my order request, and your concern as well am very grateful and I have attach a photo of what I will like you to bake for me.

On making the cake, Yes, I will prefer you use a white icing, and it should be decorated with flowers as seen in the picture , I think that will be more reasonable. So the cake should be covered in fondant, handmade floral and packed in different boxes and let the inscription be writing on one as “HAPPY MARRIAGE LIFE” And as I have told you don’t have anything to be worry about on the shipping of the cake it will be well secure and in a good condition on arriving the location of my wedding reception, the shipper will be coming with there refrigerated truck for the pick up and it will be ship under the fragile shipping insurance scheme.

So I want you to calculate for me what will be the total cost of the order including the decoration including tax if included and also I want you to add $900 for the cost of the pick up and the shipping, so once I have your reply for the total I will remit my credit card for you to charge for the total cost…so that you can have the order book right away. And once you have the order in progress, I will provide you the shipper information, and they will be the one you will give the $900 for the pick up and the shipping to enable the pick.

I will be waiting to have your reply for the total cost.

Thanks and God bless.
Amanda Smith....

Hi, Amanda,

I can't open the picture but that's okay. I feel like I know you already so I bet I can guess how the cake looks. I can do something like the one I attached and it will be great. (Note: I attached a photo from cakewrecks...Never open an attachment that's sent in a scam email!!!)

I said it would be $187.50, but my husband says I'm charging too much and that's too expensive, so I guess I'll make it $100. If it's going to be white icing that's okay, but I already mixed up the pink icing for it, so can I make it pink instead? I figured that I'd get a start on it since I've never made a big cake like that before so I don't know how long it will take. I figured out that if I made a bunch of red icing, then added a bunch of white icing to it, it makes it pink!
Check it out, that's pretty cool. I'll have to write that down in case I need to make pink another time, then I'll remember how to do it.
One question, what flavor do you want? I've been working on a new flavor, it's called "sardine cream with bacon." It isn't what it sounds like, it does have bacon in it, which you wouldn't expect from the name. So far people have been saying that they've never tasted anything like it, so I'm hoping that you like that flavor so I can practice it on your cake.

Hey, what do mean you can't open the attachment??? I got it from you website, the is White & Pink rose is use to decorate it..

Am little confuse about your price do u really think $100 would be enough for a 250 guest with the 4 tier??

Pls kindly, be sure of your price.

Amanda Smith....


I asked my husband again and he said that I should say $150. that would be enough. What kind of boxes do they use to ship the cake? Someone told me I should only use the reticulating hydroplosion boxes.
your first name is Amanda, I was going to ask you if you know a girl named Amanda Kissinhugg. I figured you might know her since your name is Amanda too

Thank for the qucik responeses.

No! I dont know Amanda Kissinhugg, I will send you my credit card details so that you can charge/run $1150 USD out it and send $900 to the shipper, you keep the remaining balance just in case you in an addition money. How would you take you make the cake?? get back to me asap.
-Amanda smith

What does USD mean? Is that like the USB cable on my computellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

sorry, the cat was standing on the keyboarkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

dammit, stupid cat. Get off there. Okay, he's gone.

So where are you locate?? I mean you shop address. So you don't know usd seems you playing on my intelligent bye
Amanda Smith....


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response #2 June 13, 2012

Hello--

I do pink cakes, and I accept credit cards, but only MrBizCard and FlappyHandsCard. If you have either of those I can take them online. Send the payment to me using SOL@GoPoundSand.com as the payee address.
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response for June 16, 2012

I would LOVE to do a cake like that. The last time someone hired me to do a cake the whole thing fell over and now nobody will hire me. But you don't need to worry about that, it only happened because my dog had eaten half of the bottom layer of the cake so I filled it in with marshmallows, and the spaghetti that I use to support the layers got soft and made it all collapse. Now I use fettuccini to support the layers, so it's stronger.


so can you make the cake now, and can you accept credit card for payment

I think I can. When you say "fondant, handmade floral," do you mean that you want floral fondant that's handmade, or floral that's handmade from fondant?
any of the fondant you think you can make withing the short period of time...thanks

Well, if I get to choose, I could do some seashells, or some bottle caps, those are really fast. I also can make some rocks out of fondant. You can also make some flat pieces that look like smashed roadkill. I saw a cake today that looked like a dog that was run over by a car, it was nasty. You've probably seen it already, it was all over the internet. I don't know how you'd eat something like that, unless you were a hillbilly and were used to eating roadkill anway! Personally, I'd look at it and say "oh, no thanks, I'm not a hillbilly, so I'm not used to eating roadkill, but you go ahead and have some of that dead dog cake!" I don't think you want a dead dog cake anyway, right?

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response for July 6, 2012

Hi, Sam,
To serve 250 guests you'd need a cake that would be about ten tiers. I only do tiers that are 1 inch tall, so it's very difficult to cram that many servings into four tiers.
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The Basic Request Letter






Hello,

My name is Alex, i will like to if you do bake wedding cake, kindly get back to me as soon as possible also let me know if you have 29th of June 2012 available, kindly let me know if you accept credit card payment for the order. I await your reply soon.

Kind Regards.
Alex.


June 13, 2012

Hi, Alex,

I can do a cake for you, can you send me the credit card number right away? I need to go get a new stove and I don't have the money to pay for it. I'll pay you back for it, but they won't let me get a new credit card, don't worry about it, it's not an important reason why. If you can also send the expiration date and mailing address for the credit card too, that would be helpful. Out of curiosity, what's the credit limit on the card?
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The "Sales" letter:

 Hello Sales,

 Greetings from SALARO VENTURES INCS, We are making inquiry if you ship internationally but specifically to our location here in Fiji islands.In addition, we would like to know if you accept credit card payment and will be appreciated if you return to us by email with your Website or attached wholesale price sheets. Looking forward to your quick response.

 Regards,

Easter Reilly
SALARO VENTURES INCS
Lot 4021 Natokowaqa Lautoka,
Lautoka, Fiji islands 679


What do you want to buy? icing or sprinkles?

We are local shop here in Fiji below is the our shop information

SALARO VENTURES INCS
Lot 4021 Natokowaqa Lautoka,
Lautoka, Fiji islands 679
+679-6620-021

Kindly send me your price list of your product so that i can proceed Asap
Thanks
Easter


Price List:

cupcakes with fresh calamari topping, sweet and savory! = $1500 each
cupcakes with prosciutto slivers icing= $1600 each
cupcakes with caramelized onion and pickled beets, all natural= $2000 each (in season only)
Sprinkles, any color as long as it's red= $1000/lb
Send all orders to the internet crime complaint center, http://www.ic3.gov

JULY 18, 2012

Hello, I want to place an order from you to our store in The Netherlands.I want to know if you can ship to us and accept credit card a s a form of payment. Reply back asap Thanks Kathy
Hi there...What do you want to order?
Hello,
Thanks for your reply back.Kindly get back to me with an e-catalog of your inventories with prices and quantities i can order for.
Thanks
Catalog is attached:

product Catalog services

PRODUCTS
1. Solar powered nightlight- Plug it into the wall and it uses the light to make bright the dark. Only twenty dollars. You are getting a deal.

2. Wedding Cake pinchers- Pinch the cake. Twenty Dollars. You are getting a deal.

3. Squeaky clown shoes- Wear these to work and everyone will laugh you get promotion. One size only. Forty eight. Any color you want only Red. Only seventy dollars. Used to be sixty. You are getting a deal.

4. See through glass pane- you can insert it into the wall and look through. You can tell if it is raining by looking through. Only fifty dollars. Used to be ninety. You are getting a deal.

SERVICES

1. Typing services- Put in a Word Document what you want me to type and I will type it up for you and give it back pronto. Only ten dollars. Used to be twenty. You are getting a deal.
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The "I understand how hard international shipping is" letter

Hello, i am ordering from Brunei Darussalam,I know the difficulties encountered when shipping internationally,But that will not be a problem because i am registered with a shipping company whom i have used severally without any delay nor problems with my goods.Before i place this order,i want you to notify me if i am able to place the order and most important If i can make payment with my credit cards Visa/Mc (Issued in the United States)because that is the only way we are set for payment now without no delay. I don't place online orders,can i e-mail my ORDER needed then you can give me a quote here and make charges to my cards manually on your end ? Please Clarify. Looking forward to your swift response then we can proceed further as soon as possible. Regards, James keller.

Hi-- I don't understand. If you don't place online orders do you want me to mail you a flavor list in the regular mail? If I don't then you'd be placing an online order, which you said that you don't do.

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The "Please Be My Honored Guest" Letter (I really don't understand this one...)

Dear,
I would like to invite you to the wedding of my son, Randel, with his fiancé Shayne Carter on November 24th, 2012 on my town.To be my party service vendor And let me know the service you can offer me and where are you located because i needed your service to be one of my wedding vendor party. This very memorable event will be attended by people who are close to our family and my friend . To make this event more romantic, we have invited many vendor to serenade the couple. We have also arranged a van service to pick you up at the airport and drive you going to the event.

1......mini-wedding of about 70 invites
2......the wedding start by 12p.m stop by 5pm
3......the wedding will be indoor.
4.......just 5 hours wedding party.


We would really appreciate if you will spare this day for this event. Should you decide not to come for whatever reason, And am assure you that my company his going to responsible for your payment by check for any trip will cost you just let us know your package and fees and your price. Thank you and we are looking forward to seeing you on the said date.
Best Regards.


July 8, 2012

It's so nice of you to invite me to your son's wedding. I'd love to come, but I have twelve children ages 1-12, and I can't seem to find a babysitter for them. I'll just bring them with me if that's okay. Since you'll pay for the trip, I figure it will probably be about $1000 per kid, or $12000 total. Better add some extra in there because they kind of cause a lot of damage. I usually have to pay for a lot of broken glass whenever I take them anywhere. The 8 yr old is pretty destructive and he seems to be able to find any antiques in the area and just rips them apart! He's pretty funny, though, he does it with such joy you can't help but think he's really cute even when he's smashing things. Then when the other ones get involved with it it's so cute to watch! They're super fun.

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The Catering Request

This is Mary Good Day how are You doing today ? i will like to place an order for food i want it for my husband birthday the date is 19th of July ready by 3pm for 100 people let me know if you can do that i want owner or manager of restaurant to contact me for this if you will be able to do that for me and am ready to make down payment ahead of event date get back to me with you menu list so we can go from there 

July 9, 2012

I have many, many delicacies available for your appreciation:
-Open-faced tuna sandwiches, delightfully prepared on half-toasted bread with chunks of velveeta melted temptingly in a checkerboard pattern.
-Delicate Vienna Sausage wrapped artfully in a flaky store-bought pastry, served on a bed of bolgna.
-Spam chunks a la carte
-Chunky buttermilk pudding with dessicated orange flambe
-Pickle Surprise!

Let me know which one of those sounds good for your event, and I'll send the price list.

Thank you so much David am hard of hearing that is what lead me to email please can you help me out its for my husband Birthday i want to served 100 peopleOpen-faced tuna sandwiches i want it to be served individual packed per person and everything to be ready by 3pm so please will you be able to do that for me its going to be picked by private shipper

Ah, a fabulous choice! My open faced tuna sandwiches are a delight for any palate. I use only the finest generic mayonnaise substitute and imitation tuna for these little triangular pieces of edible magic. They need no refrigeration and rarely give anyone food poisoning. Only occasionally, not often enough to even worry about for the most part. Cost for an individual serving packaged in the finest cardboard box is $50 per sandwich, which would bring your total to $5000, plus a service charge of $12,000. I will also need an extra $15 to buy a new pair of scissors to cut the triangles of bread because I broke the last pair I was using when I was trying to cut a flap of rubber that was peeling off of my tennis shoes. Plus a charge for ingredients, which isn't included in the $50 charge. So the total would be around $27,432.86, give or take.

Yeah that is too and very expensive can you also do a tray and how many people a tray can serve and let me know if you can do a grilled chicken caesar salds and how much do you served per person

I agree that it's expensive, but would you want to skimp on such an important party? Can you imagine the joy on the faces of your guests when they sink their teeth into that delicious imitation tuna? But I'm not totally unsympathetic to the budgetary concerns of my clients. I also have a "second tier" cuisine that you can purchase for your guests' consumption. They'll hardly even notice the difference in quality, and the price is considerably lower. The only problem is that what's on that menu is dependent on what I can find in the dumpster behind the Taco Bell up the street from me, and I can't get in there until they close at around 2am. So if you don't mind waiting for a late-night menu with variable pricing, I can throw something together for you. The cost for that will probably be around $18,000, since the danger there is the rats and broken glass and I usually have to pay for a tetanus shot before "diving in," no pun intended. The last time I went shopping there I ripped my black dumpster diving outfit that helps me hide from the security cameras, too, so I'd have to charge you for that as well. So the new total would be around $28,000.

At this point I'm going to turn you over to my business partner, Chef Listeriosis, because his area of expertise is dumpster cuisine. You can contact him at https://complaint.ic3.gov/ctf.aspx
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The Restaurant Booking Request


Dear Manager, Good Day Sir/Madam, I want to book lunch for a group of 10 people in your restaurant,who are on a business visit in your country. Please confirm these reservation in your Restaurant. Details of the Reservation: Date: 31st - 6th September, 2012 No of person: 10 persons Arrival times: 1:30 PM each day Payment Type: Credit Card Please confirm if you have the availability, and provide me with the cost of lunch in your restaurant for 10 persons for 6 days.The Estimated budget for the lunch is 50 USD/menu/person. We intend to proceed with the payments immediately So please confirmed the date and get back to me with the necessary iformation. Kind Regards. Alhaji Mustapha Al Saud

July 10, 2012

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would love to host your group. Unfortunately, I work in a very small location which will not accomodate a group that size. I would need to have your group come to a different location at my business associate's location, which is a better location for a group the size of the group that your group is. The location for your group that would be best would be the location that my associate owns, which is a better location than my location would be for your group. Oh, forgive me, I seem to be repeating myself. Let me be clear, do NOT come to my location, as it will not accomodate a group the size of your group. Go to my business associate's location, which is the better location for your group.

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The One I'd never seen before...

Hello,

It's my pleasure to locate your profile by Google search, I will love to know if you could make a mighty cake that can worth sum of 600$ for me in USA.
hi, Mike,
I strive to make every cake mighty good...The cake I'd make for you would be mighty mighty, lettin' it all hang out, because I can't make less effort than that. I wouldn't want to use pillars, so the cake is stacked and that's a fact, ain't holding nothing back. The cake will know that it's got everything it needs to get a man...every man loves this kind of cake, the tiers will be 36-24-36, what a winning pan!
You can send payment to the brick house on Commodore Drive, YoMommaville USA
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The Generic Order Request

Dear,

Having gone through your listed products, we offer great interest to do a purchase agreement with your company. Please get back to us with the following information

Please Quote.

1. Prices FOB
2. Payment terms
3. Delivery Period
5. Specified delivery date assuming from the Date of Order.
Please your quick reply will be highly appreciated

Regards,
Mr. Woody Allen
Purchasing Operations Manager.
NCR Corporation

Woody Allen? I have a bone to pick with you, mister pervert! I think it's horrible the way that you treated Mia Farrow, and the fact that you married that girl who was your DAUGHTER is just disgusting! Your movies stink, too. They're too self-aware and gratuitously whiny. Have you ever thought about trying some subtlety, or do you just enjoy self-pity too much? You need to leave Manhattan and talk to people who don't live off of trust funds and spend all day sitting around thinking that everything that falls out of their mouths is clever, too, so that maybe you can start writing realistic dialogue.

So what did you want to buy?
_____________________________________________________________________________
Dear Customer,

 I would like to place an order with you. Can i know if you ship international, can i use my frieght forwarder?. More so, Do confirm the type of credit card you accept has  a means of payment.So please let me know if you can assist me with the order,and please do not forget to include your website in your reply. I look forward to receive your response we can ascertain from there.

 Thank you

 Morgan International inc

Mr Ryan Morgan  - Owner

21, Utkarsh, Mahaveernagar,

Vakharbhag, Sangli.416416,

Maharashtra








Wow, this is super exciting I've never shipped anything to India before! What do you want to order? I can make you some cookies or a cake.

Could you please email me the price list of your best sell item with the available stock or your line sheet. I will place my order and forward it you so you could process.
Thank you
Best Regards,
Ryan Morgan  - Owner

My best selling item is the waterproof towel. You can use them anywhere, the kitchen, the bath, and it never gets wet, so you don't have to do as much laundry. They're treated with a special solution made from linoleum. They're kind of stiff, but very versatile. They're $2500 each, but if you buy ten or more they're $2499.95 each
Your waterproof towel  is 2,500USD per piece ?

It's a great product, totally worth every penny. I make them myself, I take a regular towel I get at the flea market and dip them in a mixture of melted linoleum and caulk. Then they're hung on the fence out back until they dry. Very, very useful product.
If that's over your budget you might want to go down one level to the $1000 per piece waterproof diaper. This is a cloth diaper that I've treated in the same manner, so it's also waterproof. The only complaints I've had about this is that since they're not absorbent the babies tend to mess them up pretty badly, but the upside is that they're really easy to hose off.
 
Hello,
 Good to read back from you and am sorry for late in reply.I felt comfortable to email you my order this way rather than to fill it on your site,so below are the items I want to order:
waterproof towel
Qty -- 1
Here is my Shipping Address below
Morgan International Inc
Mr Ryan Morgan  - Owner
21, Utkarsh, Mahaveernagar,
Vakharbhag, Sangli.416416,
Maharashtra
email me with the total cost of my order only don't worry about the shipping cost because i've personal shipping agent that will come for the pick up in your store,I've informed them about this they told me the best way to pick up in your store is for you to email me with your store address and the time package will be ready for pick up with your convenience time and date, please kindly get back to me with this details along with the total of my order. so i can give you my card details

waiting for your swift response
Warmest Regards,
Ryan
 
Hi, Ryan,
I'm super excited about one of my special waterproof towels going all the way to India! But I do have one question, my cousin lives in Kolhapur, and he said that the address you sent me is a junkyard of some kind. It's not Morgan International, either, because when he worked for them it was in their New Delhi office, and I didn't think they have a branch in Sangli, so please verify that the address is correct.
Thanks, and have a super fun day!
We would like you to know that this is new store business established newly in :
21, Utkarsh, Mahaveernagar,
Vakharbhag, Sangli.416416,
Maharashtra
Do let us know the totals costs for the order,if you are still interested in doing business with us ?
 
Sure, tell the shipper that they can pick the towel up at the police station in Chesterfield, that's where I work. Let me know what day they want to get it.
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(For this one the name on the email signature and the email address were totally different)

Hello,
Good day to you,I got your information Online on your cake baking and I will like to know if you can bake me a cake in my daughter's up coming wedding on the 2th of NOVEMBER 2012... Well I will like you to bake me a (strawberry cake of 5 tiers or Chocolate chip Cupcake filled with raspberry with Chocolate Butter cream with a splash of Berries. ) that can serve approximately 120 guest that are coming for the weeding and I want the cake to be decorated with pink roses and the cake should be covered in fondant, or butter cream and packed in a box and let the inscription be writing on one of the cake as (HAPPY MARRIED LIFE) and i will need the picture of it. I will be responsible for the shipment of the Cake from your location using my private Shipping Company.So I want you to calculate it for me with tax for me what will be the total cost of the order the decoration,tax if included so once I have your reply for the total I will remit my credit card or i can make the payment now with my credit card to be run through now for you to charge for the total cost…so that you can have the order book right away.this is because i'm not in the state presently on offshore and i will not be back till 2 weeks time and will undergo a surgery in 3 days time... that is why i want you to assist me with this.... and you can charge all expenses on my credit card while i give it to you now and are you ready to take my credit card and take care of everything for me,So I will need your name,Shop Address with phone number and cell phone number due to my hearing impaired problem.
I await your reply soon.
Thanks and God bless.
Mrs Kely Benson








 
Hi, Kely,
Is your name Kely or Hellen, because the return address says Hellen Baker...I don't want to get your name wrong! Especially since if it's Hellen I bet you had a lot of kids make fun of you when you were little and call you Hellen Back, so you probably don't need me to point that out to you!!!! Like if you were on the playground and they said "where do you want to go" and one of them would point at you and say "Go to Hellen Back!" or something like that, you've probably heard it before, but not if your name is Kely.

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(And I get yet another wedding invitation)
 
 
Dear,
I would like to invite you to the wedding of my son, Randel, with his fiancé Shayne Carter on (JANUARY 31ST/2013). on my town.To be my party service vendor And let me know the service you are going to offer me and where are you located because i needed your service to be one of my wedding vendor party. This very memorable event will be attended by people who are close to our family and my friend . To make this event more romantic, we have invited many vendor to serenade the couple.

1......mini-wedding of about 100 invites
2......the wedding start by 12p.m stop by 5pm
3......the wedding will be indoor.
4.......just 5 hours wedding party.

We are planing to Have Our wedding in your city, And am assuring you that my company his going to responsible for your payment by check for any trip will cost you. just let us know your package and fees and your price. Will are still working on the venue and as soon as the venue is ready i will let you know.I want to know if the date is available and i want you to give me your fee,Are will be in State on (JANUARY 15TH 2013 ) by then the contract will have been finished because am in out of town now for business. Thank you and we are looking forward to seeing you on the date.
Best Regards. Michael Jerry






Dear,
Randel Jerry, hell yeah! I'll to come to Randel's wedding, we used to party in high school! I bet you didn't know that he used to sneak out of the house at night and raise hell down at the lake with all of the other kids. Yeah, Randel...can't believe he's getting married. That little punk...he stole my girlfriend too. Told her I was into some pretty freaky stuff so she dumped me.
So yeah, I'll come. And I'll sure as hell serenade him with the other vendors, too. And maybe after the party I can take him out back and kick his butt like he deserves. Just give me the address and I'll be there. I need to know about any kind of security you're having there, though. And how big is good old Randel these days?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Before you read this one, a teledu is a "stink badger" found in Asia. They look kind of like skunks, and as far as I know, there are none in Manitoba.)
 

Hi Sir/Madam,
i heard about your lovely product and i really got impressed with what i heard about your product,that was what make me ask the name of your store,i want to know if you will ship to me if i should place all of the items i want from your website,also i would really appreciate your response.
One more thing i want to know if you would accept payment by credit card.
i will be waiting to read from you.
thanks
.

 

Dear Mr. Rice,

Which product are you asking about? I have several products of which I am the vendor, thus I need to know specifically which one of those products you are interested in purchasing.

Is it the teledu trap or the wishbone detecting device? Those are my two most popular items.

 

Hello,
Thank for your fast response,give me the whole total cost of the package find below the list of my order.

teledu trap detecting device
Quantity 20

wishbone detecting device
Quantity 20

Please kindly calculate the total cost of the items so that you can get the order processed for me.i will mail you my credit card account information for the payment of the order,And concerning the shipment,i will be having my shipping agent coming to pickup the order directly from you because i already have some goods with the m in which after picking up the goods from you,they will then deliver it to me here in Manitoba CANADA.So just get back to me with the total cost of all the items only.Hope to read from you.

 

Hello,

Are you sure that you want to get 20 of the teledu traps? Whilst they are the most popular of the devices, it is rarely necessary to purchase more than one. The teledu is a wily beast, but once one of their ilk is trapped the others flock to save him, so it is generally understood that the trappage of one teledu will result in the easiest capture of the further pack.

In addition, I was unaware that you are located in Manitoba. The last time that I tried to ship the teledu trap to Manitoba I understand that the client had difficulties with the customs at the Canadian border. The border agents were unaware that Manitoba is currently experiencing a difficult time with roving packs of teledus, so they were suspicious of the number of traps being sent.

Perhaps you would like to change the order to 40 of the wishbone detecting devices and remove the teledu traps? If last year's teledu infestation is under control a box propped up on a stick will probably be sufficient to control your teledu problem, and it would avoid the issues at customs.

thank you

 

Hello,
thanks for your email, the teledu traps was not for only me alone we are many that wanted to use them,and also about the Canadian border,never mind a shipping agent that will pick them up has all the papers to show that was why am ordering from you,they are in the US so not to worry on that,just send us the total cost of all of them so we can proceed.
i will be waiting to hear from you
.

 

I understand, I hear that the teledu problems are getting worse, so of course there would need to be many traps used.

The cost for the traps is $5000 each. They are construced by hand out of the finest reeds and plasticizinated fiberboard, and each one is a spacious 20'x 20', allowing for the easy capture of the wily teledu. How large is the truck that will be coming to pick these up, by the way? You'll need a large vehicle to transport them since they are extremely spacious.

The wishbone detectors are unfortunately currently sold out after the recent Thanksgiving holiday, due to the large number of turkeys that needed to be detected in order to be caught for dinners.


 

Hello,

thanks for your email,actually the shipper has a 4 by 4 fit container to pick them so they know already because i have inform them all about it and they said this was not there first pick up of Teledu,so what information will you be needing on my credit card to charge for the payment and more also let us know the amount of it all so we can know what else to do.

am waiting to hear from you.

 

I'm sorry, I don't understand...is it a 4x4Foot truck? If that's the case then you won't even be able to get one teledu trap in it, let alone 20. For that many you'll need a specially-equipped rumplestiltskin truck, that's the only type that will be able to handle such a large load. Please verify with your shipper that they're able to handle a 900 ton load, as it would make little sense to continue the transaction without the ability to transport such fine materials to their ultimate destination.

I can make arrangements with my shipping company to bring the teledu traps to you if your shipper is unable to handle the consignment. I would need you to pay them directly when they deliver the materials. I will send you the payment with a little extra for your trouble. Do you accept credit cards?

 

sorry you are playing me but we need those goods urgently,bye any way

By no means am I playing you...I am sincere in my desire to have you get what you need and deserve. To that effect, please call me at my job, which is at the internet fraud office. Make sure to ask for the email scams and credit card fraud division
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one isn't cake-related, but it's from the creepy "send me your money" people. It included photos of a woman that were pretty easy to find on a few anti-scam email sites.


How are you today? I am very happy for your reply e-mail I sent to you at your
address in the site. i am Miss, helen Kalushi 23 feet 5 / 6 59.I weight am the only daughter of the late
Dr Gilbert Kalushi from the Sudan in Africa, who died in a war in my country . My father was a deputy leader of the majority in the parliament. He is the owner of Kalushi metals (Limited) before he was assassinated alongside with my mother in cold blood one morning.
But I was able to escape for my dear life and ran into the neighboring country, (Dakar) the capital of (Senegal) with the help of the United Nations peacekeeping force, and here I am now residing as refugees.
At the same time, I am writing to you now in a computer and the priest would like to know you and more before we move forward from here!.
Would like to know what you do for a living, remember that you caught my attention this site, which was why I wrote to you in time. Here The first one is from my country I have come here with the pictures, I will show you more than me I know, and when We yours. Awaiting for your reply as soon as possible!
From my heart

 

I saw your message and am interested in learning more about you. I'm a very nice guy but have trouble meeting people for meaningful friendship because I live in my mother's basement and it's hard to bring lovely ladies home when you live with your mom. But if you can overlook that I'd like to get to know you.

 

Hello My Dearest,
I am glad to write by given this opportunity now. Hope you are fine.
I thank God for you.Your message was a bit relief for me. May God protect you for me.

In this camp we are only allowed to go out from the camp only on Mondays and Fridays of the weeks.Its just like one staying in the prison and I hope by Gods grace  and with your help I will come out here soon.I don't have any relatives now whom I can go to all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war.

The only person I have now is  Rev Paulson Thomas who is the Reverend Minister in charge of the church in this camp ( CHRIST DE SAVIOR MISSION)the pastors e-mail address is -------

He has been very nice to me since I came here but I am not living with him rather I am living in the woman's hostel because the camp have two hostels one for men the other for women.The Pastors Tel number is ----------- Feel free to call  me through his number. If  you call and tell him that you want to speak with me, he will send for me in the hostel.

As a refugee here I don't have any right or privilege to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country.I want to go back to my studies because I only attended my first year in the university before the tragic incident that lead to my being in this situation now took place.

Please listen to this,I have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which I will send to you latter,because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in London which he used my name as the next of kin,the amount in question is $5.3(Five Million, three Hundred Thousand US Dollars)

So I will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it I can travel to meet with you in your country. I kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend because he is like a father to me.

So in the light of above i will like you to keep it to  yourself and don't tell it to anyone for I am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it. Remember I am giving you all these information due to the trust I deposed on you.I like honest, understanding  and God fearing people,truthful and a man of vision,  and hardworking.

My favorite language is English but our language is French but I speak English very fluently because both my father and mother studied in UK. Meanwhile I will like you to call me like I said before that i have a lot to tell you.
Have a nice day and think about me.
Awaiting to hear from you soonest
Thanks and remain blessed

Yours in love

 

Hello, Helen,

 

I'm glad that you would like to get to know me better. I'm 42 and live in my mother's basement because my job doesn't let me earn a lot, but I got a promotion recently so I'm saving up to get my own house. I work at McDonalds and I'm in charge of the fries. I used to be the assistant to the apple pie maker but I got a promotion so now I'm my own boss at the fries.

 

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Is africa in South America? It sounds like a frightening experience.

 

Please  Darling the reverends scanning machine just got spoiled now on the process of scanning my refugee camp ID card for you.
Please I will try to scan and send it as soon as the machine is being restored.

Please all that I want you to do for me is to help me so that I will be out of this place thereby helping me in transferring this money that my late father deposited in the bank before his death to your account and send me some money which I will use in preparing my traveling
documents to meet you in your country.In fact,I will compose a mail for you which you will send to the bank and below is the text.

"Sir,
I am the foreign partner of Miss Helen Kalushi whose late father deposited the sum of US$5,300,000.00 in your bank before his death.She has asked me to assist her thereby transfer the money into my account as she wants to join me so as to continue with her education here in my country.I hope that my request will be granted"
Below are the e-mail addresses of the bank.

(bank info followed here)

 

Hi, Helen,

 

I would be glad to help you if you can tell me what to do. I don't have a lot of money so that money would be very helpful if i got some of it. I could buy a bunch of stuff, like a house and a car and this awesome Star Trek uniform that i saw on ebay. I have a corner of the basement here decorated with Star Trek. Have you ever seen it? I don't know if they let you watch tv in Africa, South America ( I still can't find that city on a map) but it's the best show ever made. And I don't mean the remake either,only the original one. The movies are a terrible thing too. I went to the first Star Trek movie and it made me cry because it just wasn't right.

 

I feel like I know you already, so I want to tell you to make sure that minister keeps his hands to himself. I don't want anyone messing with my special lady. I went out with a girl once, it was on a date to the Star Trek movie, but she didn't want to go out with me again. I think that answering your email will bring me true love because I can tell from your letter that you are not the type to like the new Star Trek.

 

I send you my love from  the basement

Hello dear,
You should first contact the bank in London as they should be on a better position to advise you on what to do.
Just feel free to contact them today as I have already told them about you.
In fact let me compose a letter for you send to the bank.Please copy this letter below and send to the bank today.

"Sir,
I am the foreign partner of Miss Helen Kalushi whose late father deposited the sum of US$5,300,000.00 in your bank before his death.She has asked me to assist her thereby transfer the money into my account as she wants to join me so as to continue with her education here in my country.I hope that my request will be granted"
Below are the e-mail addresses of the bank.

(bank info again)

 

HI, Helen,

 
I tried to get one of those prepaid cards to load the money on but they have a $500 limit. I'll look around to see if they have one that will go up to $5.3 million. mommy is getting a little tired of driving me to the store, though.

 
Have you ever seen Star Trek? I hope that you have, since then we can watch it together and I won't have to explain what's going  on for you while the show is going. I hate it when people talk during Star Trek, that sure does make me mad. But if you've seen it that will sole a lot of domestic problems.

 
The letter to the bank manager says that you're going to continue your education in the US. I like that, but I think I should add some details to tell them where you're going ot school to let them know where that will be. If they ask me I don't know, so if you can tell me where you're going to school that would be good. Also what you'll be studying. My dad teaches at the local university here, he's a former FBI agent who used to work with internet fraud, so he teaches classes on network security and how to track down and prosecute foreign scammers who try to get money from people. I know that you're not a scammer because you want to send money to me, not the other way around.

 
With love from the basement,

 
PLS COPY THIS LETTER BELOW AND SEND TO THE BANK ONLY AND LEAVE THE REST FOR ME AND THE BANK

"Sir,
I am the foreign partner of Miss Helen Kalushi whose late father deposited the sum of US$5,300,000.00 in your bank before his death.She has asked me to assist her thereby transfer the money into my account as she wants to join me so as to continue with her education here in my country.I hope that my request will be granted"
Below are the e-mail addresses of the bank.

(bank info yet again)

 

Hello, Helen,

 
This is -----'s mother. I found out that you have been writing to my son when I did my weekly check of his email account. Your $5.3 million dollars is no temptation to me,  I have plenty of money from the oil wells, and when -------- tells you that he lives in my basement he's referring to the apartment on the lower level of the mansion. He tends to exaggerate when he says i drive him places, the chauffeur does that. He's a bit angry that i made him get a job before letting him have the entire trust fund worth $423 million, but that money was set aside for him and he needs to learn the value of a day's work before he gets it. He's obviously trying to get around that by getting the money from you, and I just won't allow that.

 
I would like you to stop writing to him immediately. Even though he is 42 years old he is still my baby, and i won't have any foreign hussy trying to get her claws into him! So back off, and the next time I find that you wrote to him I will have you on an episode of catfish faster than you can say "scammer."

 
f you have any questions feel free to write to me at the internet crime center http://www.ic3.gov/

______________________________________________________________________________
 





































11 comments:

kesha said...

That's hilarious! Keep these posts coming. I really needed that laugh today :)

addietx said...

Love the way you dish it back.

SweetThingsTO said...

So awesome! You crack me up! I got the same one that you got on July 6th from Alex. I was very tempted to reply like you did.

LATONYA BANNISTER said...

I truly got a kick out of reading this! I have done similar email responses in the past to those who try to steal your identity. It's so much fun, nine just love your sense of humor!

Shedathu said...

Hi I own a small publishing company in England and we have just had one of these from guess who - yes, Mr Ryan Morgan - same address and everything - appears he is now dealing in books. He has ordered 150 books from one of our authors to be shipped over to India. thanks for the heads-up and the blog responses brightened up my day!

Karin said...

This is hilarious. I just finished decorating a cake and it is 2am. What a way to finish! A great laugh! Thanks for sharing!

siegretc said...

oh i love it! I don't get scams through my etsy enough to do this but I might try some out through ebay.
especially love "any color, as long as it's red"

lildusty said...

Funniest thing ever! I'm crying.

Cake That! said...

This is by far the best part of my day reading all these emails! LMAO! too funny!

Kagetrolden said...

Well, this was fun readning. Your replies are awsome :-)

Nellybelly said...

Hahaha I just received one of these scam emails this morning.. .maybe I will play along too! Hehe